How About Some Fun With Puns...?

I started to skip posting today, but I decided to share some puns instead.

I have no idea why, but I guess I'm just getting a little nuts after the last week! Believe me, you don't really want to know!

Let's just take things lightly today and maybe have a little grin...OK?

PUNS

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out it was only an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center read: "Keep off the Grass."

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: to transcend dental medication.

Sorry, I know some of these are pretty lame, but sometimes when you read them again and again...lame becomes funny! Who knew?

I'm thinking I may need a vacation! Ya reckon?

How about some fresh coffee on the patio? Actually, the coffee is in a mug and we take the mug to the patio...just wanted to clarify that!