DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
Sorta scary, huh? I think we should go and get a cup of coffee...and discuss this, ok?
Well the dog diary reminds me of Lou dog. She's just always happy.
ReplyDeleteNow the cat one, hmmmm
I sure as heck hope my cats don't think that way. And 2 out of 3 go out on a daily basis, and come back.
So I'll have that coffee with ya and we can give this more thought, OK?
blondie
Blondie...that's the whole point! Just a ruse to lure Pretty Ladies in for a cup of coffee...and a nice talk! Hey, it works, right?
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by
Jim
I like to think I am a cat person...what does that say about me?.....lol!
ReplyDeleteI had read a similar cat diary page a few years back, and I can remember at the time, I read it out loud to my children and was laughing so hard I was crying...it could have been written by our older cat who is now 14 years old.
Anyway, thanks for the good read, Jim!
Hey Cat...thanks for the comments and the visit. I am a cat person myself and am glad my cat isn't really this bad. It is kinda funny, though!
ReplyDeleteJim
Soooooooo true! I have a cat and a dog, and they're both totally just like that! Except my cat doesn't bring home mice. He brings home what appear to have once been neighborhood children.
ReplyDeleteHey Ashley...ya might want to consider getting another cat! Or move before the neighbors turn into a mob with a rope!
ReplyDeleteJim
That was just hilarious Jim! Especially when I got to the cat part of thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLaughed all the way through the cat part.
js
Hey John...thanks for dropping by and I'm glad you enjoyed the post.
ReplyDeleteThe whole point of my blog is to inform and entertain so it's nice to think that any part of that is being done.
See ya later at TE
Jim