Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Banking Like The Old Folks...!

My baby Sis sent me this and I liked it so much I wanted to share it with you!

Maybe if a few more of us took action like this individual, things would get straightened out pretty quickly.

Elder Banking... PRICELESS!!

Shown below, is an actual letter was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Regulations for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:


#1. To make an appointment to see me.

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 9.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

PS: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

Bankers, like politicians, tend to forget just who they are working for! I think that it's about time for someone to remind them, don't you?

Now, my friends, let's take our coffee out to the patio. It's not cold, but just a little chilly.


gipsiwriter said...

Thank you for making my morning! lol

Sixbears said...

Good one!

I moved all my accounts a Credit Union years ago. There's a lot less hassle in my life because of it.

Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bob said...

Thanks for this. I enjoyed it.
(sorry I had to rub out my previous comment. Made a slight error)

Once upon a time when my wife and I had had enough and started to move money over to another financial institution, I received a phone call from "the bank".
Of course, the person who left a message didn't want to say what it was about, so I called back. Naturally that person was "away from their desk", and could I leave a message?
Took two days to hear back.
I explained to this very nice young man how their idea of "service" and mine were not the same. First of all, if I called my the "guy" from where our money was now sitting, he'd usually return my call within minutes. When however, I tried to return the phone call that had been placed by the bank, it took them two days to get back to me.
See, that's a problem.
In a nutshell, that was the reason why we had removed our funds in the first place.

Momlady said...

How lucky am I to have a bank that actually has live telephone service. Too bad it now can't make small loans. Nor do any banks encourage savings. While I will stay with it 'cause everyone is always nice I will be opening an account at the credit union next door as soon as I can come up with the minimum deposit.

Dizzy-Dick said...

I loved that letter. Got to be careful when you mess with us "older" people. (Not that you are one, of course)

linda m said...

Oh, Hermit Jim, this one is priceless!

Duke said...

That is so good, thanks for posting.

JoJo said...

Love this post. I think alot of these young people think old folks are stupid and have no schooling or an intelligent thought So when one rights such a letter it makes you proud to be old.

I'll bring a jacket pass the pot please.

HermitJim said...

Hey GypsyWriter...
Glad you got a grin from it!Good way to start the day!

Thanks so much for coming by today!

Hey Sixbears...
When I used to deal with this type of institution, I always used a credit union when possible!

You have a great day, and thanks for coming over this morning!

Hey Bob...
The total lack of customer service in these big financial institutions is the main reason that I stopped doing business with them.

Just one more thing I don't trust in my old age!

I sure do appreciate you coming by today!

Hey Momlady...
It's hard to stop dealing with a place that is actually helpful!

When they can't service personal needs, it becomes necessary to at least share our business with another place that can!

I'm really glad you could come over today!

Hey Dizzy...
I'm afraid that I fall into that category now!

Old folks and little children have a tendency to say just what they mean and what they think!

Sort of creative in how they do it!

Thanks, my friend, for coming by today!

Hey Linda...
I thought you might get a charge out of it! Glad if it made you smile!

Thanks so much for coming over!

Hey Duke...
Always my pleasure to see you!

I'm certainly happy that you liked this little offering today!

Thanks for the visit!

Bob from Athens said...

I think this just about sums it up for all of us old farts.>>>>
PS: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

HermitJim said...

Hey JoJo...
I'd have to agree with you on that one!

Maybe the youngsters should take some lessons from the older folks in how to write a letter of complaint!

Thanks, sweetie, for coming by today!

HermitJim said...

Hey Bob...
Does sort of put the whole thing into perspective, doesn't it?

Some folks in politics and big business would do well to remember this!

I sure do appreciate your visit today!

TROUBLEnTX said...

Yep, better watch it,,We don't get mad, we get even.

Ken said...


...truth hurts huh?..took balls for that guy to publish it tho...

Gorges Smythe said...

Smart lady!

Baby Sis said...

Bubba -

When our local neighborhood bank was bought out by the Big Bank guys, we were told there would now be this fee, and that service charge, where we had never had them before. Moved most everything over to a credit union, just waiting for Social Security and Uncle Sam to catch up with the rest of the world in automatic deposits. Now Big Bank says no, you received wrong info, no fees, no service charges, and I say, no problem, no accounts!
I'm not that old, but not that dumb, either!

Big hugs -

trav4adventures said...

LOVE IT! I think I'll send a copy to CHASE bank. I HATE them and I need to get over there to close my account!