Tips For Fighting Common Fears...

1. Checking….and checking….and checking.

One day you notice an odd shaped mole on your leg for the first time and you think to yourself “I should get that checked in case it’s cancerous” and you make a mental note to book an appointment with your doctor. That is a sensible reaction. But what if you check it again an hour later and then an hour after that and then an hour after that? Every time you check that mole your brain registers that nothing has changed and therefore it must be all the checking that is keeping the potential cancer at bay. You need to retrain your brain by gradually cutting down your checking of anything – did you lock the door, did you switch the oven off, did you send that important email and so on. When you feel the urge yet again to check your “sent” folder, get up and do something else instead. At first, you may find it difficult but after a few days you will find you have less of a desire to “just make sure” so regularly. What will then happen in your brain is that the action of checking will no longer be connected to the positive result.

CONFIRM ONCE AND THEN MOVE ON………….

2. Putting things off .

Guess what? Procrastination is just another form of worrying. When you procrastinate, you put off doing things you don’t feel totally comfortable doing or are anxious about, instead of getting on with them. For example, you have overspent on your debit card but you are scared to check your bank balance; you put off looking until the very last minute and then get charged because you have gone over your overdraft. No one can blame you for not wanting to face a big overdraft but ignoring important issues just makes your anxiety worse. You need to ask yourself what the cost and benefit will be of facing what you dread now. It may be that you get some bad news but at least you will know what you are dealing with sooner rather than later, when the situation may be harder to change.

Another way to avoid procrastination is to tackle the things you hate to do first thing in the morning therefore leaving an entire worry-free day ahead of you!FACING YOUR FEARS HEAD-ON ALLOWS YOU TO STOP WORRYING…

3. Practice, practice and more practice .

Being well prepared is a good way to gain confidence before entering into any stressful situation. However, there is such a thing as trying to be too perfect. For example, if you hate speaking in public you rehearse your speech for hours. The good news is that your speech goes really well but the bad news is that you feel mentally drained afterwards! The point I am making here is that you could have been just as prepared after 3 hours practice instead of spending 10 hours practising. With those extra 7 hours you could have done something else which was a lot more relaxing.

To prevent yourself from overdoing it, set a limit from the beginning on how much time you are going to spend on a particular project. If you still feel the need to prepare more after your time limit, remind yourself of the work you have already done. Then, when you experience success without a huge investment of time you will begin to trust yourself and your strengths more.

LISTEN FOR, AND TRUST, THE INTERNAL CLUES THAT TELL YOU YOU HAVE PREPARED ENOUGH…..

4. Think it over….and over…..and over….

Ruminating or mulling over a problem or decision over and over again is something that women in particular are very good at (sorry ladies!). When you ruminate about something it is because there is some reality you just can’t swallow. For example, you hit if off with someone you’ve recently met and arrange to meet again but they never ring. Why not? You sit there going through all these different scenarios as to why they never rang, searching for a clear answer.

People who regularly ruminate believe that if they keep thinking things through, it will all eventually make sense. The reality is some things never make sense!! It is important to recognise and remind yourself that there is a limit to what you are able to know and understand or control.

I know people that say to me “I am a born worrier and will never change”. Believe me, if you genuinely want to stop spending your life worrying about everything, try out some of the advice in this post and I think you will see a difference!

Reiki Healing Spain says: There are people in this world who want to spend their lives worrying about everything... that is their choice so you need to respect it and let them get on with it…. after all WHY WORRY ABOUT IT?

Now what do you say to some fresh coffee ?

Gonna Be A Slow Start Day...

Sorry folks...but I'm gonna be a little late with everything today. I am running about a day behind schedule, so I'll have to play a little catch-up. I'll come back later on with something resembling an update, but until then...have a cup of coffee and enjoy a small dose of Willie Nelson. See ya in a bit, OK?

Hermit's Tips For Fighting Fear...

Most of us have experienced each of the fears mentioned yesterday, or have seen other people experience them. They can have a dramatic effect on individuals and the world in which we live…

Take some time to think about yourself and your life…what aspects are you unhappy with and would like to change? What fears lie behind these aspects? It is not always easy to identify fears as they can be subtle, persuasive or addictive silently directing your behaviour. Recognising them and their influence can be complex and may involve taking a long, hard look at your life.

Fear encourages us to stay stuck in one place and not to embrace change. The more you dislike or avoid change the greater your underlying fears. If the unexpected disturbs you, then fear is holding you in its grip.

For most of us overcoming our fears (of whatever) takes time and we also need a real desire to put the fear to rest.

The following sayings are ones that I have found useful... if any sound good to you, put them where you can refer to them regularly and keep repeating them to yourself.

Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Ships in harbour are safe but that is not what ships are for.

Security is not having things, it’s handling things.

Whenever you feel “I am afraid”, replace it with “ I am excited”.

Replace “I am vulnerable” with “I am protected”.

Meditate to help release your fears.

Here is a simple meditation which you can do to help release any fears you may have. Start by deciding which fear is the one you would most like to get rid of now…there is no need to rush the meditation, just go forward at your own most comfortable pace.

• Focus on the specific fear.

• Breathe slowly in and out, visualising your breath washing the fear until it is totally transparent.

• When you have done this, see the fear in your mind’s eye burst into flames and burn itself out.

• As it is burning, feel peaceful energy flow out of your heart and into the rest of your body, your mind and your daily life.

• As you practice, you will feel a weight being lifted from your shoulders and your fear will lose its sting.

• As you become aware of this, breathe slowly and see yourself covered in a halo of flames which cannot hurt you but which are just burning away all obstructions.

Reiki Healing Spain says: Remember, when you worry about things or are scared of something happening, you create negative energy and according to the spiritual law of attraction you will end up attracting the things you don’t want into your life…

Now...I think it is positively time to go get some fresh coffee. Want to join me?

Hermit's Thoughts On Fear...

There is an ancient Tibetan spiritual and religious discipline called Bon whose belief is that the way we think affects everything we do. They believe that to become emotionally and spiritually rich we need to learn how to think skilfully. They also believe that by understanding and transforming our thoughts it is the key to overcoming one of the biggest obstacles in our lives which is fear.

According to Bon there are 12 types of fear that dominate our lives. We may feel one, several or most of these fears and they can become part of our emotional reality from very early on. Yet we are all capable of living without fear, we just need to be careful with our thoughts and start to examine how we live our lives.

The 12 types of fear are divided into two categories... fears within our minds and fears that come about in the material world that we all experience. It can be difficult to separate one from the other as the two groups often overlap. With self-examination and careful thinking you can recognise your own particular fears and discover the extent to which each of them exists within you.

Fears of the mind

These can bring us confusion, pain and stop us from changing the way we think, feel and act.

1. Fear of being yourself .

All the following 11 fears originate from this one. The experience of truly knowing yourself is scary for some people... it is life-changing. By acknowledging and understanding this fear we heal all the others.

2. Fear of other people .

Most of us have experience being scared of another person at some point in our lives. Let’s face it, a lot of the violence, terrorism and evil in this world is as a result of countries and religions being scared of other countries and religions! When we are no longer afraid of others we gain love of ourselves and a love of all living creatures.

3. Fear of power & control .

All power and control which is not motivated by the best of intentions will always be artificial and this will be a burden to those who use it. Even power and control over yourself will hold you back if you don’t share it with others through lack of kindness and generosity.

4. Fear of love .

A lot of people are scared of falling in love, especially if they have had a previous bad experience. There are also people who long to be in love, yet are worried that they will be rejected once the other person discovers their shortcomings. It’s when you find the courage to love fully that you are participating in life completely.

5. Fear of loneliness.

If you are afraid of being on your own it means you have not yet discovered the joy of your own company. To be happy and content around other people you need to be happy and content with yourself first.

6. Fear of fear itself.

For some people their greatest fear is fear itself ! To avoid it they become isolated and lonely and hold back from taking part in life. The Tibetan Bon tradition states this fear of fear is not prompted by any outside factor even if you feel it is.

7. Fear of death & dying.

Life is fragile and we all know that nothing lives forever. What we need to change however is our perception that death is a bad thing.

Fears of the material world .

These are the fears that stop us from living successfully and harmoniously in our daily lives.

8. Fear of success & failure.

Some people are scared of success because not only have their dreams come true but they now have to take responsibility for their success. It is exactly the same for failure...when we fail we have to accept and take responsibility for the loss of our dreams. Some people never allow themselves to succeed or fail so great is their fear of both. The only way to overcome this fear is to try and understand why you need and deserve either your success or your failure. From this understanding comes serenity which is far more valuable than either success or failure.

9. Fear of poverty & wealth .

The desire to have a lot of money comes from feeling unsafe in the world, while the fear of poverty comes from feeling in constant danger. Both situations can create anger, for they come from the desire to control the material world. However, it is virtually impossible to change the material world when you are in a state of fear. To heal either fear it is important to understand what you have in the world and why and to learn how to use it skilfully. Poverty can be overcome but if your fear of poverty is driving you to make money, it will ultimately cause harm to your personality.

10. Fear of the future & what it will bring.

Most of us have moments when we are afraid of what the future may bring. This comes from dissatisfaction and the inability to be content with what we have emotionally and spiritually. We have this fear when we are not fully aware of the value of life that we have now. We need to take time to consider our current life or situation and accept it with all the good and bad aspects. The emotional and spiritual value in our present life is the catalyst for our connection to serenity and once we have this connection the future is nothing to be afraid of.

11. Fear of achievement & self esteem .

This fear comes about when we come to believe that achievement and a sense of self esteem are the same thing. People believe that if they achieve more they will raise their self-esteem but at the same time they fear achievement feeling they can’t manage it or cope with it because their self esteem is low. The trick is not to get caught up in this vicious circle. Self esteem is the benefit that you or others will gain from this achievement.

12. Fear of war & illness.

Throughout history there has always been war, but today the fear of war is more prevalent than it has ever been. This is mainly because TV, radio, newspapers etc. are able to bring war into our homes. Years ago this was not the case.

Notes from Holistic Therapies Spain ; The fear of illness is also on the increase as again we are made aware of the many threats of disease that exist. It's true that in the past people lived shorter lives, but they had fewer fears of illness or war because they were not forced to confront them on a daily basis via the media.

Tomorrow I'll tell you a few ways to help overcome some of these fears. But for now, I say that we should have a fresh cup of coffee, OK?

The Family Of Huggable People...

My Mom and Baby Sis are off to Georgetown, Texas this weekend for a family reunion. Actually, I should say THE Reunion. As far back as I can remember, that's how we always referred to it...THE Reunion! They are meeting Big Sis who is already there from North Carolina. Relatives come from all over to get together for this big family get-together. I am not going for several reasons, but I will be there in spirit .

Georgetown has been the home of The Reunion as long as I can recall and I remember it very fondly, but the town I remember is not the same today as the town I see in my memories. That is one of the reasons I won't be there.

Gone are the old wagon crossings that made great swimming holes and fishing spots, covered with a man made lake. Gone is the glorious spot by the dam in the city park where many a child learned to swim , where couples held hands as they walked carefully across the water swept stones and where countless hours were spent by the young and the young at heart in the wonderful art of fishing for fishing's sake. All done in by the careless acts of land grabbers and profit seekers that somehow are allowed to poison both the environment of today and the memories of yesterday .

Unless action is taken soon, all the small towns across our once great and beautiful country will suffer the same fate. The remaining grass in the parks where picnics used be held by families on Sunday and reunion memories were started and shared by generations will instead be landscaped by signs that read "No Walking On The Grass" and the park benches that used to be for the use of old men and young couples will be empty because of the signs that read " No Loitering" and the drugstore counter where you could sit for a couple of hours and talk will have been replaced by coffee shops with no redeeming character, signs hanging on the wall that say "Seating Limited To One Hour".

For now, I'll be content remembering all the cousins and aunts and uncles the way they have always been...huggable. I'm fortunate that most all my relatives are huggable and that for me, makes for a lot of good memories. I've never been to a family function of any kind where hugs were not a part of the whole process. Hugs are a natural human reaction to other people. Happy hugs, comforting hugs, friendly hugs, loving hugs, hugs from children and, of course, virtual hugs from all our virtual friends!

So let's all do our share to make today a better day by sharing a smile, holding somebody's hand and let's all give each other a big hug! Now...how about a fresh cup of coffee ?

Well...It's Saturday Again !!!

Saturday is here again and since I didn't put the cartoons on last weekend, I thought we would include them on this weeks Saturday post. However before we get into that I want to point out a couple of things to you, OK?

The first thing I wanted to show you is the "Then and Now" pictures of C.B.(cry-baby). He is, of course, one of the Roomies. As you can readily see, they have grown quite a lot. C.B. is the smallest of the two but take my word for it...they are both a LOT bigger than they used to be. They both eat like horses, but I have been assured that they are indeed cats!

Secondly, the blogs that you see on the left side of this page are both entertaining and informative. You can learn a lot by visiting them and you might just have some fun while reading as well.

Now the Roomies have requested Tom and Jerry as today's fun offering, so in order to keep the peace around the homestead that's what we have. I hope you enjoy it and remember...it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown! So like my good friend and fellow blogger Meltcat says " Keep smiling!" After the cartoon, we'll all go out to the patio and share a cup of coffee, OK? OK !

The Hermit Says...Why Worry ?

Most of us get the occasional stomach-churning bout of worry, but just because we all get butterflies doesn’t mean worrying is a healthy habit... it isn’t! When you worry, you are living in a future world that may not ever happen. Also, just because you don’t know a future outcome it doesn’t mean it’s going to be negative.

Worry can motivate you to do things like warning your children not to talk to strangers or double-checking directions to get somewhere. Now these reactions are pretty normal. Worry only becomes ineffective when, for example, you are still contemplating getting lost even though you have mapped out your route and printed out the directions. In other words, you have taken steps to insure a positive outcome yet you still spend time and energy on expecting a negative result.

There are ways to reduce how much you worry about things. It takes practice but what it boils down to is changing how you think about the world and really believing that tomorrow is going to bring something great, not something awful.

Here are a few of the most common ways in which we worry along with simple advice to help put worry behind you.

1. Seeking constant reassurance

There is no harm in getting a second opinion about something, but asking for it repeatedly is not useful. That's because it’s easy to second-guess any answer you get, especially if you doubt yourself to begin with. For example, you are worried that your partner no longer finds you attractive so you ask them. They reply (hopefully!!) “Of course I find you attractive” but you’re not convinced, so you ask them again…and again…and again…

No reply they give provides you with the absolute certainty you need.What you need to do is stop and ask yourself why you are not taking the answer at face value. Are you hoping to validate your fears? At the end of the day the answer you've been given is the only one you are going to get, so accept it and then take steps that will help you believe in yourself... without having to rely on feedback from others.

ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL, AND WORK ON WHAT YOU CAN…..

2. Ignoring your worries

Maybe you fear losing your partner. When the thought pops up, you put it right out of your mind. By not allowing yourself to think about this fear for even a second you think you are not worrying about it. In reality what you are actually doing is reinforcing your fear by not facing it….

Instead try repeating to yourself “It is always possible that I may lose my partner”! Your anxiety levels will shoot up at first but, after a few minutes, you will calm down as the thought loses its power. By doing this you will discover that just because you are thinking about the worst-case scenario it doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEARS AND YOU WILL REDUCE THEIR POWER….

3. Arming yourself with irrelevant information

It’s a good idea to gather as much information as you can about something that is bothering you, but the value of it depends on the type of information you have collected. For example, if you are worried about flying and Google “plane crashes” you will find lots of information about terrible accidents. But what if you looked for “safe plane landings” instead? It is called Confirmation Bias... wanting to prove your fear is real and then finding information that confirms it. You need to ask yourself “Am I collecting useful information or am I just confirming my fear?”

Holistic Therapies Spain says: WEIGH UP THE VALUE OF YOUR SOURCES AND ALWAYS THINK ABOUT BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY….

Now how about a nice cup of coffee...? It's fresh, don't worry !!