Sunday, December 20, 2009

Turn Out The Lights...The Party's Over...!


Well, the family party is over. It's history!

All in all, I think it went pretty well! Lots of food, lots of noise, lots of kids! Actually, I think there were only three kids there, but sometimes three can sound like thirty, ya know?

There were no fights, no arguments, and few left overs! I don't mind when there's left overs. I like left overs...especially the cakes and pies! I did manage to hide and hold back some cookies for later! Gotta be sneaky around my bunch!

I did get a few tips from my sister about holiday eating that I thought were so good, I wanted to share them with you! Ready...?

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


Now, my friend, let's have some fresh coffee out on the patio...where it's peaceful and quiet once again!

21 comments:

The cottage by the Cranelake said...

Wonderful List! I´m still laughing :-) But over here we have to change the egg nog to Mulled wine. Strangly enough very few have egg nof over here. But mulled wine tastes sooooo god :-)
Have a great day now!
Christer.

HermitJim said...

Hey Christer...
I don't think it matters that you use mulled wine over egg nog...the result should be the same!

I'm glad you go a kick out of the list, my friend! If it makes you smile a bit...then that's a good thing!

Thanks so much for coming by this morning!

chinasyndrome said...

Funny stuff! great start for my day. from now on I am sliding in screaming Woo Hoo!!!!!!

Momlady said...

Great hints. I, however, avoid holiday parties if possible. One can only eat so many Swedish meatballs. Our celebration is tomorrow so today I am making the shepherd's pie (with lamb)and the pineapple upsidedown cake (from scratch). Lamb is traditional and the upsidedown cake, with the pineapple rings on top, synbolizes the return of the sun. It has become our tradition.
Would send you a taste, but I'm afraid it would spoil way before reaching you.
There's plenty of eggnog in the fridge and other beverages as well (to enhance the eggnog).
Have a peaceful day.

JoJo said...

Good Morning My Special One,
Glad the day went well and I love the tips. I agree all the way. I know about how 3 kids can sound like an army of them, I have 2 early teen very silly grand daughters, lol.
Must be time to sit and enjoy some quiet coffee time, so pass the pot please and what kind of cookies are those sitting in the corner.:)

Angelena said...

Great Tips!!

houstonmom.wordpress.com said...

Glad you had fun. The one about the frosted santa cookies hit home. They vanish! Usually some kid is under the table with about 10 gobbling them up as fast as she can.

HermitJim said...

Hey China...
Seems like the best thing to do to me! No need to take it eay at that point!

Thanks for the visit today!


Hey Momlady...
I appreciate the thought with the Upside down cake...and agree that it might lose a little flavor on the way!

Hope your gathering goes well...but I'm sure that it will! Maybe the weather will co-operate at least!

Be safe! I do thank you for coming by today!


Hey JoJo...
Guess when the kids make the most noise, is when they are having a good time!

Coffee on the patio...coming up!

Thanks for oming by today!

Mayberry said...

I've always loved that last quote, and I'm sure the Miller Brewing Company appreciates me for living by it, ha ha!

HermitJim said...

Hey Angelena...
I'm glad you liked them! And I appreciate the visit today!


Hey Kris...
Yeah, those kids really like the gingerbread men...including this old man! I'm pretty fond of them myself!

Yesterday, my sister brought over some pro type icing decorating things...and some gingernread men. Everyone young and old that wanted to got to decorate one for themselves!

Great fun! To do and to watch! None of us will ever get a job decorating cakes, that's for sure!

Thanks for coming by today!

HermitJim said...

Hey Mayberry...
We all do what we can, my friend! Sounds like a good way to go to me...if I really have to go!

You have a good day...and thanks for coming by today!

Ben in Texas said...

Another excellent report This Sunday morning, :-)

The line you had "WOO HOO what a ride!" was also used in MASH by one of the shrinks.. Funny stuff

Kyddryn said...

Mister Hermit, sir - I like the way your sister thinks!

Off to Yule...

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

HermitJim said...

Hey Ben...
I'm not sure exactly where I heard this, but I've heard it several times in various versions. Still calls up a great picture, doesn't it?

Hey, thanks for dropping by today!


Hey K...
Yeah...the baby sis is pretty smart sometimes! But after all, she IS my sister!

Hope you have a good time at Yule celebration!

Thanks for coming by...

Felinae said...

Hehehe, Love the list, Uncle Hermit.

The last quote, definitely words to live by. I will be screaming WOOHOO! all the way there, that's for sure. ;)

Thanks for the smiles, today, my friend. :)

Have a great day!
Hugs~Felinae~

HermitJim said...

Hey Felinae...
Glad you could come over today! I'm happy that you liked the list and somehow I knew that the motto would meet with your approval!

I do thank you for the visit!

Argentum Vulgaris said...

I have a problem with that list. Why should it be reserved for the Yuletide Season? I believe it is a whole life philosophy, inline with your Whoo Hoo quote at end, which I recently posted on my Genes blog where is precedes such helpful advice as never piss an elephant off.

I'm not one to make New Years resolutions, however if I were to make one it would be to follow your advice until next Xmas to see if it works.

AV

HermitJim said...

Hey AV...
Right you are about this being a life long path to follow! Maybe I should follow my own advice more often...

Hey, I appreciate yu coming by today!

Gen-IL Homesteader said...

Love the list! Ha! Thanks! Glad you had a great day!

The Sprouting Acorn said...

Been lurking for a few… this one brought me out from under the woodwork… this is hilarious! Love the humor…

HermitJim said...

Hey Gen-IL...
Glad you like the list! I appreciate you stopping by!


Hey Acorn...
Glad you could make your way over! I'm glad you enjoyed the list, my friend!

Thanks for coming by!