Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Some More Warnings About Booze...!


I don't know if I've told you this before, but I pretty much gave up drinking the hard stuff a few years ago.

I guess one of the main reasons is that I saw way too many images of myself in this list. At first it was just funny, but then I started to see a lot of myself in it!

The list of warnings is still funny, and I can appreciate it even more with nothing stronger than some Colombian coffee in hand!

As most Americans are familiar with, the federal government mandates health warnings on alcoholic products to warn people about the potential negative effects. This is also an increasing occurrence in other countries as well. It has come to our attention that a few additional warning may be appropriate.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think that a "2" is a "10."

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 a.m.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy, named Chuck.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

AND Instead of warning women not to drink when they are pregnant --- the new guidelines should read...

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.

Probably as good a list as I know of, but if you can come up with some others...please let me know!

Coffee inside this morning...it's trying to rain, I think!

16 comments:

chinasyndrome said...

Jim,good list. Funny but true. I remember back in the day,if you was drunk with the boys they were all cool and funny. But if they were drunk and you not well they were really pretty annoying.

China
III

Ben in Texas said...

Why the hell didn't you tell me all this when I was 18 years old?

Bob said...

Good List. I'll drink to that.

Argentum Vulgaris said...

All philosophically true, but like cigarette packet warnings, do I listen to them too? I don't drink to excess, at least not in the last 30 years and although I have been known to drink anything, I drink to enjoy not to get drunk.

But I agree, being drunk is a greatly overrated past time.

AV

Dizzy-Dick said...

One big thing that could be added is that alcohol is a micotoxin and causes many different kinds of cancer. I quite drinking about 25 years ago. Abstinace hasn't hurt me a bit. . .

Garry said...

As one guy said, "I don't drink anything stronger than pop, of course, Pop will drink anything!"

bigbadsis@gmail.com said...

I raise my coffee cup to this list! I personally don't ever remember knowing anybody I liked better drunk than sober. My short life in law inforcement showed me many things that would, I think, have help cure me had I been a drinker!
Love ya.

HermitJim said...

Hey China...
Seems like just watching can really change your view of drinking to excess. I know it did mine!

Thanks for the visit today!


Hey Ben...
Would have helped back then, wouldn't it? Maybe!

But back then, no one could tell us anything!

Thanks for coming by, buddy!

HermitJim said...

Hey Bob...
I used to say that I would drink to anything even a flat tire!

Meant as a joke, but probably more true than not!

Funny how getting a little older can change our sense of what's fun!

Thanks for coming by today!


Hey AV...
Like so many other things in my life, I couldn't afford to do it like I used to!

Wonder where I got the money back then!

Thanks, my friend, for coming by today!


Hey Dizzy...
Time and age does, indeed, change our perspective on things, doesn't it?

Funny how that works!

Thanks, buddy, for coming by today!


Hey Garry...
That's one I haven't heard! I'll have to remember it, for sure!

Thanks for dropping by today!


Hey Sis...
Sometimes I wonder just how I made it this long! Certainly used to do more than my fair share of drinking...and it made me a totally different person! Not better, just different!

Thanks for coming by today!

Dan said...

Ya know ......... I don't drink anymore, or any less! :-)

But I haven't been drunk for years.

My great-granny had a juice glass of dandelion wine daily 'til she passed at 96. "Good for yer innards" she'd say.

HermitJim said...

Hey Dan...
Once again, it pays to listen to the old folks! They had to be doing something right!

Hey, I appreciate you coming by today!

Marjie said...

I drank a little in college, but gave it up, figuring the empty calories were better used in the consumption of chocolate.

HermitJim said...

Hey Marjie...
Now that's a reason I can certainly get behind!

That's one place it usually shows up as well! Behind!

Thanks for coming over today!

Dedicated_Dad said...

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

I once heard it said "there's an @$$hole in every crowd. Look around -- if you don't see him, IT'S YOU!"

Food for thought!

HermitJim said...

Hey Dad...
Sounds like good advice to me! I think if I had looked around more when I was younger, I would have known more about who I was becoming!

But at that age, probably wouldn't have done me any good!

As the old saying goes..."too late smart, too soon old"! That's me to a tee!

Thanks for the visit today!

Mayberry said...

Awwww, but that's what keeps life interesting! Now where the hell are my pants?! : )