Monday, December 27, 2010

A Little Winter Humor...!

Like the old saying goes..."everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it!".

Well, I've decided to do something about it by furnishing a few jokes to help take your mind off the Winter conditions if only for a bit!

This is part of my new attempt to distract us all from all the depressing things like politics and crazy weather that we have no control over! If nothing else, these little attempts will serve as an amusing way to pass some time while standing in the return line at the local "Big Box" store!

Thoughts About Winter

It was so cold ... we had to chop up the piano for firewood -- but we only got two chords.

What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg? Sanka.

What do you call 10 Arctic hares hopping backward through the snow together? A receding hare line.

What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers? Leeks.

What do snow kids have for breakfast? Ice Krispies.

What happened when the snowgirl had an argument with the snowboy? She gave him the cold shoulder.

What's an ig? A snow house without a loo.

What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.

And more really important questions

What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a baker? Frosty the dough man.

And some less serious comparisons

65 degrees: Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

60: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

40: Californians shiver uncontrollably
– Minnesotans go swimming

35: Italian cars don't start (of course, many don't start at 70 degrees, either)

32: Water freezes

25: Ohio water freezes
– Californians whimper
– Minnesotans eat ice cream
– Canadians go swimming
0: Alaskans put on T-shirts

- 40: Californians disappear
– Minnesotans button top button
– Canadians put on sweaters

And one not- so-lame joke

What do you get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

Another way to get by with Winter here is to get some fresh coffee and sit in the kitchen for a bit. In fact, that's probably the best way of all!


Ben in Texas said...

You should have put a groaner alert on that one Jim!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Good ones :-) :-) :-)

Thanks for the laughs :-)

JoJo said...

Good Morning My Special Freind,
LOL those are to much.
Oldest daughter flew to NJ for Christmas, got stranded in Chicago for a day made the next day and now she is freezing and it is snowing like crazy. Can we say Whining a bit. I asked what she expected? She did spend half her life there. :( Wonder if she will be able to get home anytime soon.
Pass the pot please.

Baby Sis said...

Bubba -
Love the jokes this morning. Just what I needed for coming back to work after a week off! Hope you enjoyed the lieftovers I sent with Mom yesterday - there's more where those came from if you want to wander over our way. Might even put another log on the fire for you, and we've just ordered a new coffe pot, so we'll need some help inaugurating it. You are welcome anytime!

Big hugs -

HermitJim said...

Hey Ben...
Sorry about that! Should have warned you ahead of time!

Hope you enjoyed them and thank you for the visit today!

Hey Christer...
Pleased that it made you smile! I hope that your cold has gotten better and that you are able to enjoy the snow now!

Thanks for coming by today!

Hey JoJo...
Why would anyone want to go to the far North in weather like this?

I'd rather stay home and enjoy pictures of the snow! Travel at Christmas is bad enough, but in this weather?

I sure do appreciate the visit, sweetie!

Hey Sis...
Thanks for the left overs ! You know how I like them!

I just know you're ready to go back to work! Personally, I'm glad it's all over!

Thanks again for the goodies, and thanks for coming by today!

Beth said...

Our snow quit completely yesterday but we have plenty to look at. We got about 9" in our town...first white Christmas I've had in a few years. Very cold today and wind is howling so wind chill is brrrrr. My coffee pot is on its last leg but worse than that, I'm out of coffee!!
Love you.

The Survival Mama said...

funny stuff.

Newest follower, I'll be back for more!

The Survival Mama

HermitJim said...

Hey Survival Mama...
Always glad to have a new friend join us for a visit and a cup!

Looking forward to all your visits! Thanks for coming by today!

Dizzy-Dick said...

Thanks HJ, needed a little extra cheer this morning. Now you got me smiling.

HermitJim said...

Hey Beth...
I can't believe that one of my sister's is almost out of coffee! That's a disaster!

Sounds like it's time to go down to Goodwill and get another pot. They have some fairly nice ones qat the Goodwill here by the house, but the cost is pretty high! I think it's about $6...I might be able to scrape that much together so I can have a spare!

After all, I only have 3 sitting in my room right now! I don't want to have one quit, ya know?

Hey Dizzy...
Glad to do what I can to help with a smile!

Thanks, buddy, for coming by today!

Rae said...

You made me smile. Thanks for the laugh.

HermitJim said...

Hey Rae...
Happy to do my part! Making folks smile is always a pleasure!

I sure do thank you for coming by today!

Tatersmama said...

Weather? Global warming, my grannys' fanny!
Here in Oz, we're down to 5C this morning (41F) and this is SUMMER! This has been a summer for the history books, with way lower than average temps in Victoria, and one of the wettest winter/summers in over 100+ years!

Please pass the whole pot this morning... I need something to warm these cold fingers! lol!
(yes, I know folks in the US have it much worse right now, but I'm in a cranky-arse mood this am - tho this post did make me smile!;)

HermitJim said...

Hey Tatersmama...
It certainly is some strange weather as of late! Cold enough for me, without a doubt!

I know that if you're cold there down under, then you should be right at home here right now!

Hope you had a good holiday, and I thank you for coming by today!

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Humor is a good thing anytime, hermitJim. Thanks for the smiles today. We have to have our coffee indoors for awhile because of the snowstorm that his here on Sunday-Monday. It was a beautiful white christmas!

HermitJim said...

Hey Beatrice...
Indoors is cool with me, as it is really chilly and windy here in South Texas as well!

No snow, but I'm not a big fan of snow anyway...

Thanks so much for coming by today!

Marjie said...

My daughters bought me a pair of 4 foot tall Hibiscus trees once, and come winter I called a florist in Hawaii to find out how to keep them alive till spring. She told me that she had once visited her grandfather's house in Washington DC, and some people there had some kind of heaters that warmed the whole house; did I have that? Um, yeah, because I don't want to freeze to death. It was pretty funny to us, where we think it's warm if it gets to be 40 for 5 or 6 months of the year! Your list is very funny.