Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Need A Good Funny Today...?

We can all use a good touch of humor from time to time, so I wanted to do my part to help!

I hope you can use these bits of wisdom to brighten your day! Heaven knows, we could all use some humor this time of the year!

Ever heard of a "paraprosdokian"? Apparently it's a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

So, really, it's just a silly word for a joke, and we figure our bosses will like this first one:

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

Here's one of our favorites, followed by a whole bunch more:

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

The evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Seasonal humor

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


I hope you all find the time to smile a little and to help someone else smile today! After all, a smile can make others wonder what you're up to!

Now, my friends, let's get some fresh coffee and sit outside for a bit. Supposed to be in the 70's today!


Sixbears said...

Thanks Hermit! Good to start the day with a grin and coffee.

chinasyndrome said...

Hah,those were great! Thanks Jim.


linda m said...

Those were great. I'll be smiling all day. Thanks.

JoJo said...

Good Morning My Special Friend,
I have been trying to post a comment for 3days so here goes another try.
Loved those and yes they made me smile. Thank You.
coffee on the patio sounds great. should be in the high 70s here today too.
Have a wonderful day

Momlady said...

Thanks for the smile, HJ. Send some of that warm weather this way, please. Coffee sounds good.

HermitJim said...

Hey Sixbears...
We all need a grin from time to time! I needed one or more myself!

Thanks for coming by, buddy!

Hey China...
Glad you got a kick out of them!

Always a pleasure to see you! Thanks for coming by today!

Hey Linda...
My pleasure to help you smile a tad! Glad you enjoyed them!

Thanks so much for dropping in today!

Hey JoJo...
Sorry you haven't been able to get through lately, but glad you made it today!

Looks like Summer coming back, doesn't it? Wish it would make up it's mind!

Hey, sweetie, I really appreciate the visit today!

Hey Momlady...
I wish I could share a bit of this Spring weather with ya! Certainly is nice least , so far!

One forgets that next week is Christmas when we have weather like this!

Thanks for coming over this morning!

Dizzy-Dick said...

I liked the one about dying in his sleep, very funny. And the one about arguing with an idiot, well I learned that one the hard way.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs :-) :-) :-)

Have a great day now!

HermitJim said...

Hey Dizzy...
I know what you mean about learning the hard way! I've certainly met my share of those that could be the teacher about this!

I appreciate the visit today, my friend!

Hey Christer...
I'm more than happy to help with the smiles, buddy!

Thanks so much for coming by today!

Marjie said...

Those are pretty funny. I'm going to remember the chess nuts joke for dinner tonight.

HermitJim said...

Hey Marjie...
See? I even kept it clean for ya! Just 'cause I'm a nice guy!

You have a great day, and thanks for coming by today!