Monday, May 23, 2011

Time Once Again For Some Southern Talk...!

My good friend, Minerva, from New Zealand send me an interesting email that I wanted to share with you.

As you know, here while back Minerva came and stayed at my Mom's house for a week while on a visit to the states. Although she was only here for a short time, she fell right in to the southern way of doing things! She's pretty smart, that girl!

She nailed it on the head in this email! I thought you might like to see what she figured out after her visit!

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

I do hope that no one is insulted or has their feelings hurt by these little sayings! After all, they're all in fun! However, if you are a bit put off by any of this...then bless your little pea-pickin' heart!

Now how about some fresh coffee on the patio this morning! I got gravy and biscuits!


Ben in Texas said...

Memories of Tennessee Ernie Ford

Sixbears said...

Yep, that's the South I visit.

In the north, a Yankee is someone of a certain background: English, Protestant, taciturn, stoic, flinty, tough, honest. Talks little. Doesn't laugh, but has a dry sense of humor. Distinctive accent.

In the South, anyone from the North is a Yankee.

In foreign countries, any American is a Yankee, which annoys Southerners no end.

Baby Sis said...

Bubba -
I think Minerva is really a Southern-er at heart,'cause she nailed it right on the head. And, after all, NZ is in the southern hemisphere! And I agree with 6 Bears: when I lived in Australia and was called a Yankee, it really rankled! I just sat back and said Bless their hearts!"

Big Hugs -

Alex said...

Listen to "A Coon Hunting Story" by Jerry Clower. You'll hear more southernisms than you can shake a stick at! ;)

HermitJim said...

Hey Ben...
That's exactly where I got the saying from! I can remember ol' Ernie saying that all the time!

Thanks, buddy, for the visit!

Hey Sixbears...
Guess that about says it all!

Some of the sayings are imaginative to say the least!

Thanks for coming by today, buddy!

Hey Sis...
She was a pretty smart lady...and funny too!

Thanks, Sis, for the visit today!

Hey Alex...
Ol' Jerry had a bunch of very funny stories and could tell a few at the drop of a hat!

Never heard a cuss word in any of them!

Thanks, my friend, for dropping by today!

Gorges Smythe said...

Yeah, all that and "neighbors" might live 5-10 miles away while all the folks in between are just city folks living in the country. At least that's the way it is here in the no-man's-land of West Virginia.

JoJo said...

Sorry I am so late I don't know how I missed you this morning.
I think she most certainly learnd alot from visiting with ya all. She did a great job on this.

Anonymous said...

Brings a whole new light to the English language. I was actually happy that, as an English teacher, I understood every word.


Marjie said...

When I moved to Knoxville, I was quickly instructed that "Bless your heart" translates to "Aren't you a dumb*ss!" Back here in the north, we are much more blunt.

Wretha said...

Yup! Just read this one, love it! :)