Tuesday, July 31, 2012

You Can't Cure Stupid...!

Although this is just a made up case, it could just as easily be true!

For all of us that have been around the public much over the years, have probably met a few folks with the same I.Q. level as this guy! Opens up a whole new way to entertain ourselves, doesn't it?

You might know that I got this from my Baby Sis, who has a slightly twisted sense of humor...sorta like mine! I wonder if this is a family thing?

Vet Caps and Morons

A few days ago my best friend from high school sent me a ' Viet Nam Veteran' cap. I never had one of these before, and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress...enough of my psychological fixations.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"

"No," I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that cap?"

"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.

"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"

God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered as straight-faced as possible.

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"

"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun!

"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."

The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.

By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.

Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security cap.

Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!

Sometimes I wonder if all us old retired farts enjoy coming up with ways to mess with the heads of those that are so gullible! We probably do! At our age, we take our fun where we can find it, ya know?

We'll have our coffee on the patio this morning, if that's alright with you!


Mystic Mud said...

lol....I can actually see that happening! I have a bumper sticker (but I have it on the inside on the van rather than the outside, so as not to offend) that says "stupidity should be painful" can you imagine what the world would be like if it was?

HermitJim said...

Hey Mystic...
If it were, I think about half the folks in my neighborhood would sure be hurting about now!

Hey I really appreciate you coming over this morning, my friend!

Gorges Smythe said...

He was probably in a hurry to check the paper to see if any psyche ward patients had escaped! ;-)

HermitJim said...

Hey Gorges...
Could be what he was looking for at Wally World! Might just find a few!

Thanks, my friend, for coming over today!

Anonymous said...

Messing with people's minds can be a lot of fun. Thats pretty funny.

Rob said...

Oh the story's we all can tell about stupid folk. It doesn't take a PHD to see why our country is so screwed up.

Duke said...

Funny, I like messing with peoples mind myself. gives me an idea for a future blog.

Bob from Athens said...

Thank you for making my week. I have copied this completely so I can remember where it came from and now will be passing out copies to all my friends. Another very good place to find stupid is on yahoo answers, just like reading the comics.

Dizzy-Dick said...

That sounds like something I would do. Love it. Thanks for the laugh.

JOJO said...

I know love to mess with people just to see the look on their faces.

As always coffee with my friend anywhere is fine with me.

Judy said...

Because they don't teach American History any more in History Class, this is more true than you and I would like to believe. And don't even get me started on the Government Class!

Gypsy said...

I would love to have been in earshot of that conversation.

Ted Webb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HermitJim said...

Hey Anon 5:32...
It is a very rewarding past time! Thing is, I don't even feel bad about it!

Thanks for the visit today!

Hey Rob...
Trouble is...so many of them hold public office!

Thanks, my friend, for coming over this morning!

Hey Duke...
So many easy targets out there! Makes it very worth while!

Hope to see the post soon!

Thanks for coming over today!

Hey Bob...
We have to spread the joy now and again!

Never know what you might find over at the Hermit's place!

Thanks for dropping by today!

Hey Dizzy...
I can almost see the wheels turning in your head as we speak!

Bet you could come up with something really good!

Thanks, buddy, for coming by today!

Hey JoJo...
Bet you are pretty good at it! Secret is to keep a straight face while telling the story!

Thanks, sweetie, for coming over this morning!

Hey Judy...
Sorta like asking "who is buried in Grant's tomb?"

The public school system has failed so badly over thew years that I'm surprised any of the kids can spell their name!

Thanks so much for coming by today!

Hey Gypsy...
Bet you would, my friend! So would I, come to think about it!

Thanks for dropping by today!

JMD said...

lol...And to think I only run into crying, tantrum throwing young things!

Craig Cavanaugh said...

We used to have fun down in the "barrio" when I was in high school. A buddy of mine had a "border Patrol green" Dodge Ramcharger. Yeah, some folks ran when they saw it : )

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

HJ thanks to you and your Baby Sis for providing us with the best laugh of the day.

edifice rex said...

That is absolutely hysterical! and confirms, yet again, my decision to never go in a Wal-Mart again. lol!

HermitJim said...

Hey JMD...
There just has to be a way to lay a mind trip on them! Just takes a little imagination, I think!

Thanks a lot for coming over!

Hey Craig...
I can see you doing just that! Makes me grin thinking about it.

I'll bet that more than a few folks paid attention to ya!

Thanks, bro, for coming by today!

Hey Beatrice...
We do what we can to make folks smile!

I know she will appreciate the kind words like I do!

Many thanks for dropping by today, my friend!

Hey Anne...
Always glad to help any way I can!

I'm sure glad you came by today!