A Moment Of Silence, Please...!

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If you enjoyed this, I'm glad I could rise to the occasion and help keep you from having a crumby day! You know, just in case you kneaded a lift. (Sorry, I just couldn't resist!)

Now, my friends, let's get some fresh coffee and sit outside for a bit...and it's OK if you smile at my silliness this morning!

A Little Coffee Humor...!

Since we always start the day with a cup on the patio, I thought today I'd bring a little coffee humor to the table. You might find this a little too close to home to be funny, but I thought these were pretty good!

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When:

you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

you lick your coffee pot clean.

the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.

you can type 60 words per minute with your feet.

you have to watch videos in fast-forward to prevent boredom.

your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

you can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer.

can jump start your car without cables.

you don't need a hammer to pound nails.

you buy sugar by the barrel.

you are so wired, you pic up AM radio.

you channel surf faster without a remote.

you are offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

you short out motion detectors.

the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.

the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Kramer of Seinfeld thinks you need to calm down.

you name your cats Cream & Sugar.

your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale.

you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

you're employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

you don't sweat, you percolate.

you walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

when someone says how are you? you say "good to the last drop."

you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

you don't tan, you roast.

you don't get mad, you get steamed.

you think C.P.R. stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

you go to an AA meeting just to get the free coffee.

you are able to outlast the energizer bunny.

you get drunk just so you can sober up.

your survival kit has a pound of coffee & a grinder.

you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

you sleep with your eyes open.

your hand is molded to the shape of your coffee mug.

you answer your door before anyone knocks.

your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.

you have your blood tested, the results come back in acidity levels.


Now, my friend, should we take a chance and have some coffee on the patio? Yeah, I think we should...!

Time For A Grin...!

Once in a while, there is a commercial that not only makes a point about the product, but carries a message as well.

Watch this ad from New Zealand and you'll see what I mean...



Now, this is what happens when you try and hide what you really are...or try and pretend to be something other than your true self!

Besides, folks could get hurt by all the pretending...ya know?

Now that we've had our object lesson for the day...let's get some fresh coffee and go sit on the patio. OK, my friend?

I Know I'm Old, But...!

You know and I know that I'm getting to be old...well, maybe older is a better choice of words!

Now I've heard that the mind is one of the first things to show signs of fading. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying, "If you don't use it, you will lose it," also applies to the brain, so...

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the following test (6 questions) and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."

OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin:

1. What do you put in a toaster?


Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said,"bread," go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows drink?


Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as Children's World. If you said "water," proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?


Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing reading these questions??? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? In East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?


Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to question 5.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?


Answer: One degree! If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?


Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!

Now, don't feel too bad about this test! After all, no one but you will ever know how you did, right? If it makes you feel just a little better, let me pass on to you what we "Old Folks" call the definition of Success! Ready...?

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is...having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 70 success is...having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is...having friends.

At age 80 success is...not piddling in your pants!

Lot's of truth in the last part, don't ya think? Well, that's enough of this silliness for a while! Let's go and get some fresh coffee, my friend!

Poor Kitty...!

Sorry...but I just couldn't resist!

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

''Human beingsare the only animals that stutter,'' she says.

A little girl raises her hand. ''I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.''

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

''Well'', she began, ''I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!''

''That must've been scary,'' said the teacher.

''It sure was,'' said the little girl. ''My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit!', the Rottweiler ate her!''

The teacher had to leave the room.

That's all for now...let's have some fresh coffee!