Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Little Coffee Humor...!

Since we always start the day with a cup on the patio, I thought today I'd bring a little coffee humor to the table. You might find this a little too close to home to be funny, but I thought these were pretty good!

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When:

you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

you lick your coffee pot clean.

the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.

you can type 60 words per minute with your feet.

you have to watch videos in fast-forward to prevent boredom.

your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

you want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

you can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer.

can jump start your car without cables.

you don't need a hammer to pound nails.

you buy sugar by the barrel.

you are so wired, you pic up AM radio.

you channel surf faster without a remote.

you are offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

you short out motion detectors.

the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.

the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Kramer of Seinfeld thinks you need to calm down.

you name your cats Cream & Sugar.

your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

your nervous twitches register on the Richter scale.

you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

you're employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

you don't sweat, you percolate.

you walk ten miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

when someone says how are you? you say "good to the last drop."

you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

you don't tan, you roast.

you don't get mad, you get steamed.

you think C.P.R. stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

you go to an AA meeting just to get the free coffee.

you are able to outlast the energizer bunny.

you get drunk just so you can sober up.

your survival kit has a pound of coffee & a grinder.

you speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

you sleep with your eyes open.

your hand is molded to the shape of your coffee mug.

you answer your door before anyone knocks.

your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.

you have your blood tested, the results come back in acidity levels.

Now, my friend, should we take a chance and have some coffee on the patio? Yeah, I think we should...!


Felinae said...

Haha, Uncle Hermit, those were funny.

I'm seriously thinking of adding the grinder and coffee to the BugOutBag.LOL! I hadn't given it a thought before I saw it on this list.

Hmm...I wonder if Catman would notice the added weight when he lifts the bag. ;D

Now, lets go enjoy that coffee!


Kyddryn said...

Oh, thank you Mister Hermit, sir, for that laugh!

I once ordered Turkish coffee at a restaurant. It wasn't anything like the real thing - didn't even tarnish the steel spoon, let alone eat it.

I once knew a man who named his cats Dewars and Water. He didn't drink coffee, though...

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who doesn't need any coffee in her life, right now...she needs Sominex!!)

Anonymous said...

Lol, some of those are a riot - thanks HermitJim for posting them. I've noticed that in my ummm . . . older state, that I'm developing a minor aversion to coffee. I drink coffee 1/2 cup at a time (I don't like hot coffee, warm is just fine by me) and I've noticed if I drink more than a full cup, my heart begins to get some palpatations. Feels like a catfish flopping on the bank, so to speak.

So I limit myself to those two cups and I'm good to go. But jokes like those you posted make my heart feel good - have a great morning sir.

Rae said...

....your family knows not to speak to you in the morning until you have your first cup of the brown stuff.

Hilarious. Good stuff as always!!
Drinking my second cup of coffee this morning and just getting started.

Have a great day my friend.

Anonymous said...

There is always truth to good humor. I'm guilty of drinking too much coffee. I don't think I'm a snob about much, but prob guilty of being a coffee snob. We buy it freshly roasted and grind it each day. We start the morning with regular coffee and then we make lattes every morning... yes we're one of those city couples. After coffee, I switch to iced tea.-- and not decaf. Maybe that's why I drink a glass of wine in the evening???

TEAM HALL said...

Morning to yah Jim!! Now that was funny!!! I needed that!
Have a fabulous day!

HermitJim said...

Hey Felinae...
I don't know if he would notice the difference in weight or not, but if he does...jut tell him it's all for him! That should fix it!

Thanks for coming by today...

Hey K...
I guess that I could guess what the man ith the cats DID drink instead of coffee!

I've never had Turkish coffee...but want to try it sometimes just to say I have!

Thanks so much for the visit today, K...

Hey Anon 5:11...
Glad you like the jokes, but sorry to hear about the aversion to coffee! It's one of the highlights of my day...the coffee.

Glad I could help make you grin and I'm glad you could drop in today...

Hey Rae...
I think in many cases, that's the real reason people bring you that first cup. They aren't doing so out of kindness, but out of self defence to get yopu mellowed out as soon as possible!

I appreciate you coming by , Rae...always a pleasure!

Hey Kris...
Not many things I insist on in my life...just chocolate, Internet, and COFFEE! Good coffee...!

I like iced tea as well...seems we have a lot in common besides Houston!

Hey, thanks for the visit, lady!

Hey Cath...
Good to see ya again! Haven't seen you in a while!

I'm glad you liked the jokes, and glad you could drop by the patio this morning!

JoJo said...

HAHA I love them but you forgot 1,
You know you drink to much coffee when you just put a straw in the pot. :0. thanks for the laughs my Special Friend.
PS: sold the house yesterday. Class B here I come.

HermitJim said...

Hey JoJo...
I've been wondering just where you were! Thought you were hiding from me...

Very good news about you selling the house! I know that puts you just one step closer to having that motor home and getting on the road!

You better stay in touch with me, sweetie! Don't want you to get lost out there, ya know?

Anonymous said...

...your tongue no longer registers a response to hot liquids...

...you view non coffee drinkers as a potential food source.

...someone on the news refers to "crude," you automatically assume they're talking about black coffee.

...you almost get violently angry at a waitress for giving you an unasked-for top-up and messing up your cream/sugar proportions.

...you know that all the really good shows (like Family Ties) come on at 3am.

...you find yourself lost in your own thoughts and missing the answer to the question you just asked someone...even when that answer only takes seconds to hear (as in, "yes").

...you had to refill your cup while you wrote a comment.

HermitJim said...

Hey Ranger...
Don't know how I missed those ! Pretty good...!

Hey, buddy, I appreciate the visit this morning!

JoJo said...

You can't lose me that easy. lol I have been here you just missed me I guess.
All these coffee things are making me lmao they are so on target.

Carol Ayers said...

HaHa! Thanks for the giggle, Herm! I believe I'll have a little warmup..slurp..yep..just a little ..thanks!

HermitJim said...

Hey JoJo...
That's good to know, cause I wouldn't have to come looking for ya unless I knew I could find ya, ya know?

Hey Carol...
Always glad to make you giggle a bit in the morning, my friend!

I sure do appreciate the visit from you this morning, Carol!

Ken said...

...bwaahaaahaaa...i love it,great comments all...true coffee drinkers every last one(love the one from rangersquirrel about non-drinkers being a foodsource...lol)sorry to say this but,this may be one of yer best post...lol...GodBlessYa Jim

HermitJim said...

Hey Ken...
Glad to see you here today! I knew that all my coffee drinking buddies would get a kick out of it!

I do appreciate the visit and the kind comments this morning, Ken!

Stephanie in AR said...

We did have cats named sugar & cream...good cats too.

How about your teenaged son learns your perfect sugar & cream combo and when he brings to your recliner you just answer yes (to borrowing the car).

Your kids know you love them when you share your coffee creamers & flavored coffees. Mine consider themselves grownup when I let them have their own cup.

You know 101 reason why coffee is in fact good for you.

HermitJim said...

Hey Stephanie...
Those boys know just how to get a'hold of the car keys, don't they?

Guess in that respect, teens won't change much from generation to generation...

Thanks for coming by...!

Lydia said...

Hi Jim,

Some of those were very funny and very true for me.

Thanks for the chuckles.

Catman said...

Can I trade in my coffee for tea?

HermitJim said...

Hey Lydia...
Good to see you again, Girl! I think it fits a lot of us!

Glad you could drop by today...!

Hey Catman...
I'd be worried if I thought you really wanted to do that, buddy!

Sure is good to see you again. Thanks for coming by!

Anonymous said...

(nodding head) so true... so true.

I've been percolating for years.


HermitJim said...

Hey AV...
Haven't we all, my friend...haven't we all!

Hey, thanks for the visit...

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

yeah...i've been sticking my finger into coffee grounds like they are sugar since i was a little girl. blame it on my grandfather. he taught me everything i know from his growing up on a coffee plantation.

i'm making love to a cupa sumatra right now.

HermitJim said...

Hey Heather...
Good to see you here today! Nothing wrong in dipping the finger into the coffee grounds a bit!

Sounds like grandpa would have been an interesting man to talk to!

I'll admit to caressing my coffee cup in a familiar way myself!

Thanks for coming by...and I hope you become a regular!