Wednesday, March 11, 2009

As This Ever Happened To You...?

This morning I was sitting here drinking my coffee...and I got to thinking. Always a bad sign, don't you think?

Several things occurred to me about my past life, and I thought I might mention them here to see if anyone else has ever experienced the same.

All through my life, I have been talked at, talked about, talked down to, talked over, and talked around...but very few times has someone actually talked TO me!

For most of my life, my opinion has been demanded of me, given to me, subject to change for me, bribed for, ransomed for, offered to pay for, and misinterpreted or misunderstood...but seldom has anyone just simply and honestly ASKED for it!

I have been looked over, looked through, overlooked, looked in the direction of, looked at but not seen, looked at to size up..but very few times has anyone looked straight at me EYE TO EYE!

Often I have had my hand pawed, pumped up and down, drowned by a sweaty palm, engulfed limply, slapped both playfully and for real, symbolically shaken, and even almost raised...but only on a few happy occasions have I ever had my hand firmly shaken as a new or reunited FRIEND!

Far, far too often I have been pushed out of the way, pulled down, pushed aside, pushed down, pushed in the wrong direction, pushed to the edge, pushed to my limit....but only a few remembered times in my life, have I ever had anyone offer to help push me UP!

I have been picked on, picked last, not picked at all, picked over and even picked clean...but once in a great while, I have had the honor of being picked as a new acquaintance or maybe even an advisor!

Most of these actions hurt a little. Most are done without even thinking about it. Most are done by nearly all of us from time to time, either on purpose or by accident. No matter how they are done, the impression and the damage is always the same.

To make sure that I do the best that I can to avoid these negative actions as much as I can. For instance, if you (or I) are in a gathering, such as a party or meeting or group activity...take the time to look around you. Scan the crowd a little and carefully look at the faces.

You'll probably see at least one person, maybe standing with their back to the wall, not far from a doorway...that has a look on his or her face that can only be saying "What am I doing here?" When you find that one person, walk purposefully up to them, offer them your hand while looking them straight in the eye, give them a nice firm hand shake and say in all honesty "Hello, my name is (your name) and I'm really glad to see you!"

Most of the time you'll immediately see the lost look disappear and a smile replace it. You will have just made a possible outsider feel as though they are a participating member of a group, and you will quite possibly just have made a new friend! Best of all, deep down inside...you have the satisfaction of knowing you have done something positive FOR someone and not TO them.

Now, let's have another cup of coffee, my friend!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

NO ONE can do anything to you without your permission.
I'd be happy to look you straight in the eye, shake your hand and say Hi my name is Tony how are you doing? Now where is my coffee?

Anonymous said...

Well Jim,
Here's one feller that would like to consider you a friend and shake your hand. If ever SHTF, there's a place for you at the table, a bed to sleep in, a rifle with your name on it, as well as a shovel for your use. I would be comfortable knowing you had my 6.
YeOldFurt

Lydia said...

Good morning Jim,

Yes, I would gladly shake your hand and be your friend also.

You can't be responsible for how others choose to feel. I know what you mean though, there are plenty of shy people in this world, and its sad when they are left out. I'm usually the one who goes to talk to them, it's a big joke in our family actually. But like you, I feel bad that anyone should be left out.

Well...if they look like creepy serial killers, then we stay away, ya know ;)

Have a great one my friend!
:)
lydia

Grandpa Eddie said...

Ma always told me to treat people the way I wanted to be treated, not the way people would at times treat me.
Sometimes this is easier said then done. We all have a tendency to lash out and strike back when we feel 'offended' by others. That's human nature, a defense mechanism which we've all used during our lives I'm sure.
We need to be able to put our best effort into excepting people for who they are, whether we like it or not, and not for who we think they should be.

Anonymous said...

Good Morning Jim,
You are not alone in this my friend, I love to talk to everyone and boy sometimes people can be sooo rude. But I keep talking to them anyway hoping they will get the hint or just plain ease up.
some do some don't and I finally figured its their lose in life.
So come on by and lets sit out on the porch and listen to the doves and the rest of the little winged guys sing, and drink us some joe.
JoJo

scoutinlife said...

Great post and Hermit I would be honored to shake your hand! Look you in the eye and for you to know that I would watch your back my friend! Have a great day...........

Jess (Ozark Momma) said...

Guilty of the lashing out and over-expression of personal opinions here, but certainly hope that folks take me for who/what I am since I tend to do the same. But you're right HJ, some of my best friends have turned out to be those that others looked over.

Off for a refill!

HermitJim said...

Hey Tony...how are ya today? Come on in, my riend...the coffee is waiting!Glad you could drop by this morning!


Hey Furt...I would be honored to sit at your table and cover your back. Watching out for one another is what friends do best.

Thanks for coming by today!


Hey Lydia...hugs for you, my friend! Somehow I just knew you would be one that would do that! I'm proud of you...and glad you came by today.


Hey Eddie...let's hope that more of us can start learning from the Golden Rule before the PTB decide to make it Illegal So many of the values you and I grew up with were taught to us by family, both in lesson and example.

A lot of that has disappeared in todays world. I, for one, am proud to be associated with a group of folks that still have and teach those values. Makes me very fortunate indeed!

Thanks for the visit!


Hey JoJo...thanks for the offer, and I'll be proud to share your porch and join ya for a cup! Sharing some coffee time and listening to the birdcalls with a friend sounds like a good way to welcome the day!

Hey, thanks for the visit this morning!


Hey Scout...I never doubted it for a minute, my man! Proud to have you drop by today...


Hey Momma...we have all been there and done that a little from time to time...and like you, I have some friends that were overlooked before...lucky for me, they accepted me faults and all.

So glad you came by today!

Catman said...

Jim,

I'm thinking about your observations, and I wonder if any one of us would know another if we passed by in a supermarket isle.

It would be a shame to portray oneself in one light here in digital space, and behave in an opposite manner in the real world.

Thank you for the reminder of exhibiting good manners, even if those around you do not.

I don't often meet the well mannered in my travels, and if I do, I'll think that perhaps they too are a reader of your blog.

HermitJim said...

Hey Catman...you know, that's a very valid point! It's easy to talk the talk here on a blog or any of the other worlds we frequent...but could we be recognized as being one that walked the walk as well!

I would hope to be thought of as having good manners and as being courteous in not only the virtual world, but in real life as well!

Hey, I really appreciate you dropping by today!

Anonymous said...

Jim if ya ever make it down Corpus way I'd look ya straight in the eye, say Welcome and give ya a firm handshake!

Thomas Miller said...

Jim, I think the way you greet your readers with "I really appreciate you dropping by today" encourages folks a lot, just in this kind of way.

You've created a great blog - a virtual coffee shop gathering spot, if you will.

THANK YOU for who you are!

HermitJim said...

Hey Anon 1:51...I would be proud of that, my friend! Always enjoy meeting new folks and making new friends.

Thanks so much for coming by!


Hey RV...seems like the natural thing to do, since all of you folks take the time away from your schedules just to come over and post a comment and have a read!

I never thought of it as a virtual coffee shop, but I do kinda like that vision!

I really DO appreciate you taking the time to drop by...thank you!

Frugal Canadian Hermit said...

I kinda thought you were talking about me for a minute there Jim. But in all reality, I guess there are quite a few of these guys out there, not just us good guys with "Hermit" in our name. Good post Jim.

HermitJim said...

Hey FG...guess we chose the name Hermit for a reason, huh? Really good to see ya tonight!

Thanks for stopping by, my friend!

Anonymous said...

Jim, you make a great point that sometimes we need to slow down and realize that there's other people with feelings amongst us. It's far too easy to get caught up in the daily grind (coffee pun most definitely intended) and not take a moment to fully appreciate each other. I know everyone says they'd shake your hand, but thanks for the reminder. The world would be a better place. Happy to have found your blog.

P.S.- I have got your "The Stranger" post making the rounds. Posted it on some other forums I enjoy reading. Gave you the credit & a "stop by and visit him".

HermitJim said...

Hey G3Ken...good to see ya again! I used to be as guilty as some others at overlooking others, but late in High school, I realised that most of my friends were the ones often overlooked, as I was.

I finally grew up to the point that I stopped putting lables on people, and have tried to follow that practise to this day.

I appreciate the fact that you are sharing that post. I'm gla you found my post as well, and Tthank you for stopping by tonight!

xox-Missi Mi-xox said...

HI Jim ... Glad to see you are well. You really do have a way with words .. and whats even worse sign than you thinking is when you get others thinking ... well thats not really a bad thing at all.

After reading and thinking about it all you once again have me realising I am truly blessed.

Although I too, like we all have been on the receiving end of bad manners (in hospitality they are everywhere) but I have had many good people take the time to talk to me, given me a hand up along the way, who take time to hear me, get to know me and accept me as I am.

I wont shake your hand, but I will look you in the eye and gently cup your hands in mine as I say thank you friend for being who you are. For your thoughts, your time and words that always remind me how lucky I am even though it is not directed at me as such. You are a true gem of a human being. I just wish I had the way and means to skip countries to visit and do this personally. Maybe one day ...

Take care my friend. Whenever I am online you know I always look for you to hear what you have to say and to share with us.

Have a great day

xox-Missi-xox

HermitJim said...

Hey Missi...thank you for your kind words. If what I write can make just one person feel as though they are not alone in their travels in life, then I have done what I intended.

I try to be for real in what I write, and most of what I put down is from what I have gone through myself.

I'm always glad to have you visit, and I'm happy you can find something worthy in what I write.

Thanks for coming by!

I'm glad that you count me as a friend...and know that I feel the same way counting you as one of MY friends.