Sunday, September 5, 2010

Gotta Love The Lawyers...!


We all knew that many lawyers were suspect when it came to common sense, but some of these questions help to prove us right!

All you can do when you hear some of these is to shake your head and make note not to hire this attorney for ANYTHING!

People say some funny things and attorney's are certainly not exempt. Here are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

__________________________________________


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.

____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Having sex.

You know, come to think about it I believe one of these guys was my attorney during one of my divorces! Of course, you can't be sure as they all act pretty much the same.

There are a few exceptions...like those involved in the Prepping community. Just a shame that they are the exception other than the rule! Oh well, guess we can only hope!

Let's get some fresh coffee, my friends, and sit outside on the patio. We can swap some good lawyer jokes!

13 comments:

Felinae said...

LOL!

Thanks, Uncle Hermit, those sure had me laughing out loud.

Have a good day
Hugs~Felinae~

HermitJim said...

Hey Felinae...
I'm glad you liked it and I'm glad it made ya smile a bit!

You have a good holiday and thanks for coming by today!

The cottage by the Cranelake said...

Thanks for the laughs :-) I really needed them today.

Christer.

Ben in Texas said...

You know what's a sad sight? A boat only half full of lawyers going over a waterfall..

I think it was Shakespeare who said,"First thing we do is get rid of all the Lawyers"

Sixbears said...

There are no lawyer jokes -all the stories are true.

Good ones!

Argentum Vulgaris said...

They all had me tittering. Tittering is good on a Sunday morning, but the answer to "And by whose death was it terminated?" spilled my coffee.

AV

Ken said...

...yep,once again time to clean the keyboard...lol

JoJo said...

Good Morning My Special One
Yup made me laugh thank you
And I also got to read yesterdays little tidbits you never know when one might come up in a conversation and I will know the answer.
Art Show went great yesterday.
I will gladly share a cup with you this morning.

HermitJim said...

Hey Christer...
Glad to do my part to brighten your day! You have a good one, my friend!

Hope the cold is better!

Thanks for coming by today!


Hey Ben...
Thanks, buddy, for the great addition to the list!

Seems like I heard that saying before!

I appreciate you coming by today!


Hey Six Bears...
Unfortunately, I think you're right!

Glad you enjoyed the list today and glad you could come by!


Hey AV...
Glad to make you smile! Some of the answers are pretty priceless, for sure!

Thanks for dropping in today, my friend!


Hey Ken...
Sorry to cause the extra work today! Almost worth it, huh?

Mnny thanks for coming by today!


Hey JoJo...
I'm so glad the show went well for ya! The main thing is...did you have fun?

Thanks, sweetie, for coming by today!

Tatersmama said...

Good ones!
Like they say, It's better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands!

Now where's that coffee? I'm plumb out this morning. :{

HermitJim said...

Hey Kate...
Never heard that saying before! That's pretty good!

Hope you're having a good day and I thank you for coming by!

Marjie said...

"What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?"

"A good start."

I've dealt with more than my share of them, and these questions don't much surprise me. When trying to keep up with paperwork wanted by 4 lawyers, all of whom knew I was flying solo on this work, one of them told me to put my staff on it (for the zillionth time). I said, "I don't have staff." He said, "Well, why don't you get some?"

Loaded up in the common sense ther.

HermitJim said...

Hey Marjie...
You were a lot closer to lawyers than I ever want to be again!

I can only imagine what a nightmare you must have had, trying to keep up with all the paperwork!

Thanks for coming by and have a great Monday!