Friday, April 24, 2009

Let The Old Guys Take Care Of It...!

A friend sent me this, and I thought it made a lot of sense in a weird sort of way!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a**hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put us on border patrol......we will have it secured the first night!

See what I mean? Lot off truth in this piece...

Now what do you say that we go get a fresh cup of coffee, my old friend!!


Catman said...

The old guys are tracking down the real terrorists. Did you take a look at the folks at the Tea Parties? How about Gonzales....seems someone has already taken the advice to heart.

HermitJim said...

Hey Catman...ain't it the truth? Older is better, I'm thinking!

Thanks for coming by, Catman!

TEAM HALL said...

Morning to yah Jim! Now that's funny!!
So having little kids waaay past my prime is a bonus...I'm in training for even less sleep?! Gotta love it!
Have a wonderful weekend. Looks like we're finally going to get some heat up here...

Did it MY way said...

Good morning Jim;
I would consider my best years would still be a head of me if I could be on border patrol.
Just reloaded two thousand rounds yesterday-where do I sign up?

Baby Sis said...

Love it, Bubba! I know my old man would be more than ready to go take off some rag heads! Although I'm not sure I'd really want him to go that far away. But Border Patrol? That's another story....just don't let the feds know what we're doing, and let us take care of it, lickety-split! After all, the powers not specifically given to the federal government......

Albert A Rasch said...

There is more absolute truth in what you say, than you can shake a stick at! My back killing me right now, ad I would like nothing more than to take it out on some SOB that's is more than likely ruin my morning while I read the front page of the newspaper while...

Having a fresh cup of coffee.

The Rasch Outdoor Chronicles.
The Range Reviews: Tactical.
Proud Member of Outdoor Bloggers Summit.

Anonymous said...

Man, siccing 50 year old women with PMS on our enemies - isn't that against the Geneva Convention? Cruel and unusual dude - thats just mean!

Lol - this post made me smile a coupla times - Thanks Hermit.

Anonymous said...

You got that right, HJ. Under most mornings, I'm a grizzly bear till I get my head screwed on. Most days, I'm not in the best of moods and have to make an effort not to be mean.

JoJo said...

Good morning my friend,
Well that was a good read this morning. But your right about the older meaner generation. We know how to read people too.
Lets have some coffee and talk about this a little more. Of course if we get to relaxed we may need a nap. :)

Frugal Canadian Hermit said...

I see lots of good logic to that one Jim. Makes good sense to me.

HermitJim said...

Hey Cath...sounds like you are in for some major nap time! Take it from me, that ain't such a bad thing!

Glad you are getting some warmer weather, my friend!

Hey Tony...I'm thinking the borders would be a lot better off with us on the guard post, than sitting at home just thinking about it!

Two thousand rounds is a good start to getting the attention of illegals, for sure!

Thanks for the visit!

Hey Sis...maybe Rod could take his clubs and practise his chip shot or his drive to ring a few bells! I wouldn't want to face an older guy with a steel club and a frown on his face At night time, on his turf!

Think he would want to join the "border patrol open"?

Hey Albert...just a matter of channeling all that negative energy in the proper direction and toward the right target! Man, could we make some headway!

Thanks a lot for coming by!

HermitJim said...

Hey Anon 8:02...I have heard that all is fair in love and war, and I don't think this classifies as love...if ya know what I mean?

Given the fact of what our government has been practising as of late, I think it's obvious the Geneva Convention has been taken out of play!

As far as being cruel and unusual...I think you're right! I don't want to be on the recieving end of that one!

Thanks for the visit!

Hey OldFurt...think our creaking joints would give away our location? No matter! All they would have to do just before a big fight, is to cut off the coffee supply and that should do the trick!

Thanks for coming by, my friend!

Hey JoJo...ya know, besides just using the older, meaner folks for action...what if we could get the action rescheduled to coincide with tax day? That should add a little fuel to the fire, don't ya think?

Come on, my lovely friend and let's go sit on the patio for a bit...and the idea of a nap is not a bad idea!

Hey Hermit...come on down! Anyone with the name "Hermit" is welcome on my team any time! Shows the attitude is correct, for sure!

Good to see ya this morning...!

Anonymous said...

**cough, cough** Think I'll have another sip of coffee to clear my throat before I say this ... that's better. (This is reminding me of when I was given those stupid little booklets, probably sponsored by a "female products" maker, as a pre-teen, but let's get on with it.)

A 50-year-old woman would either have gone through menopause, or be close to it. As a woman gets close to menopause, her ovaries release eggs less frequently, until they stop. Now, since PMS is tied to ovulation cycles, and menopause means you're not releasing eggs anymore, PMS wouldn't be a problem for many 50-ish women, or at least would occur less frequently than when she was younger. That's not to say her hormones couldn't be messed up in some other way--if she's still having "PMS" symptoms after menopause, she should definitely see a doctor.

Or she could be puttin' you on, and using "PMS" as an excuse to act like men do all the time. (What, you didn't see that coming?)

But I think allowing older people in the military is fabulous! We're older, hence more experienced, and less likely to (1) misread and overreact to a situation that *doesn't* require it, and (2) misread and underreact to a situation that *does* require it.

Now that there's room in the cup from me taking a sip a little earlier, I think I'll top it off with whiskey and think this over. Would you like some, too?


HermitJim said...

Hey Ex-Wac...having been married more than once, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from about the "PMS and hormones" thing getting in the way!

That being said, I want to say that I like older women! Would be proud to have one standing by me in a fight, as long as all hostilities were directed at the other side!

Younger ladies scare me a bit...but then, I'm an old fart so what do I know?

Hery, the whiskey is right next to the coffee pot...for the aching joints, ya understand!

Thanks for coming by today!

Anonymous said...

It's always a pleasure, Jim.


Cygnus MacLlyr said...

I almost can't wait to get old! HAR!!