Sunday, April 5, 2009

New Financial Terms...

In keeping with my efforts to both inform and entertain my readers, I have decided to give you this new, easy to understand, list of terms used in the stock market. These terms make it easy to know exactly what all the so called "financial gurus" are really talking about. Ready for the truth?...

New Stock Market Terms

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet..

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

I hope that these terms help you to see and understand a bit more about the confusing world of the New Finance now in place thanks to our helpful folks in the government!

Now, what do you say to a fresh cup of coffee, my friend?


JoJo said...

Good Morning my friend,
Thanks for the up date on the meanings and a little chuckle to start the day with a friend and some great coffee. You have a wonderfull day.

HermitJim said...

Good morning are ya today? Always there to help start your day with a smile! I sure am glad you dropped by this morning...

You have a good one!

Rod said...

Good one Jim And boy is it not the truth.
Thanks for the laugh.


HermitJim said...

Hey Rod...good to see you this morning. Glad you enjoyed the post...I especially liked the last part!

Hey, thanks for stopping by, my friend!

Frugal Canadian Hermit said...

I never used to, but I have been keeping a pretty close eye on the markets ever since the big crash began. I think you got it all summed up pretty well. All this time I was using the wrong damd financial dictionary, now I know where I was going wrong. Thanks Jim. lol.

Genes Easy Ways said...

That is a real hoot Jim but much underlying meaning beneath the humor.



HermitJim said...

Thanks, Gene. We have to find some form of humor in what's going on...if only to keep our sanity, don't you think?

Hey, thanks for coming by today!

Ozark Momma said...

Broker, lol...that's me! Only without the help of a 'planner'...just livin' does it nowadays!

Thanks for the chuckle HJ...can always count on you for something to make me giggle.

HermitJim said...

Hey Momma...if only you knew! Making people smile a bit is the high point of my day...

Glad you liked it and you know I apprecviate you dropping by!

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

I think i've always banked by these terms...

HermitJim said...

Hey Cygnus...many of us have, my man!

blondie said...

Cute one Jim (hehehe)
Glad I stopped by :)

HermitJim said...

Hey Blondie, my Colorado Cupcake...! So glad you came by today. Always a pleasure to hear from you!

I'm glad yo liked the little bit of humor today and really glad you camer by!

Lydia said...

Hi Jim,

Those really made me laugh. Soooo true.

have a good one!

HermitJim said...

Hey Lydia...thanks for coming by. I'm glad I made you laugh a bit!