Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Want A Grin With Your Coffee...?

I thought that just maybe everyone could use a little humor today!

Knowing that I could provide as little as anyone, and in doing my part to keep you all smiling some...I decided to share this with you!

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind.. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!


Well, my friends, I hope that helps to start your day off with a grin! I did my part...the rest is up to you, ya know?

Now, how about some fresh coffee on the patio. Gonna be another hot one today!

19 comments:

Diane-Sage said...

Great list and friends are the best. Have a beautiful Wednesday eh?

HermitJim said...

Hey Diane-Sage...
Always good to see you, my friend!

Good friends are indeed a blessing!

you have a great day...and thank you for coming by today!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the humor sir, I sure do need it this morning. Talk about living in a dog eat dog world and wearing Milk Bone underwear . . .

Have a great day.

Beth said...

Hey, my Bubba!
Made me laugh this a.m. which ain't a bad way to start the day! I can especially relate to #s 15,16and 17.
How are things in the Big H? My door is always opened to you.
Much love.

Momlady said...

:>) Gonna miss you these next few days while in LA with daughter and your nephew. Will have to catch up when I get back. BTW I have some t-shirts with some of those sayings on them. Have a great weekend!

HermitJim said...

Hey Anon 7:06...
Sounds like it's going to be one of those days for ya! I love the description..one I've never heard before!

You have a great day, and thanks for the visit!


Hey Sis...
You know how it is in the big city...same ol', same ol'!

Glad you are leaving the door open for me...and that you were able to come by for a visit!


Hey Momlady...
I do hope you have a good time with the kids! Also hoping that your trip is nothing but safe all the way!

I'll be watching for your safe return...and I appreciate you coming by today!

Ben in Texas said...

Oh Jim!!! Those are just too good NOT to steal and use .. ( well I did link you from my blog)

Thank you for the early morning smile with my coffee.

HermitJim said...

Hey Bn...
Steal and share away, my friend! That's what they are here for...folks to enjoy!

Glad you enjoyed the post and that you could come by today!

JoJo said...

Good Morning My Special One
I too have some t-shirts with those sayings. Its always a great way to start the day with a chuckle.
Off to the paint store man I am getting to old for this stuff. :)

HermitJim said...

Hey JoJo...
I know what you mean about getting too "well seasoned" to do much of the painting thing! All that stretching and reaching...not to mention the bending!

Just think how nice it will be when you can sit back and relax a bit!

Hey, sweetie, thanks for coming by today!

Sissy said...

Loved them! A couple made me lose my coffee.

Mechanic in Illinois said...

3,12,28 are my favorites and also the saying,"You're sitting at the table or you're on the menu". Thanks for another great lesson.

HermitJim said...

Hey Sissy...
Good to see you again! Don't worry! I have enough coffee for a refill...just for such an occasion!

Thanks so much for coming by today!


Hey Mechanic...
I'm sure that each and everyone of us can find one in this bunch to mark as a favorite!

So many of them apply!

My friend, I surely do appreciate you coming by today!

Felinae said...

Hehehe,

Thanks, Uncle Hermit :D You made me start my morning off with a grin, for sure. :)

Have a wonderful day
~Felinae~

HermitJim said...

Hey Felinae...
I'm glad to do what I can to bring a smile to you! Guess we can exchange grins today, as your post on your blog today made me grin as well!

I sure do appreciate the visit today!

Stephanie in AR said...

I take the fifth on how many apply to me & mine. Thanks for the coffee!

HermitJim said...

Hey Stephanie...
I can certainly agree that some things are best left unsaid! That's probably best all around!

Good to see you and I thank you for dropping by today!

Tatersmama said...

Great list! My son gave me a plaque with #23 on it, and it has pride of place on the kitchen wall.
Which just goes to show that I have no decorating skills whatsoever...lol!

Have a great day, my friend, and keep cool if you can!

HermitJim said...

Hey Tatersmama...
The kitchen wall seems like a logical place to display it to me! Guess we went to the same decorating school!

You have a great day, my friend! I thank you for taking the time to come by!