Sunday, March 22, 2015

Church Bulletin Funnies For Sunday...!

Instead of the usual 'toons this Sunday, I found some really entertaining material from the folks that do the weekly church bulletins. I hope you get a kick out of them!

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

And this one just about sums them all up. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Just a little Sunday humor for ya today! I hope you enjoyed them!

Coffee out on the patio this morning. No rain in the forecast!


Mamahen said...

Lol....loved them....patio sounds great :))

Wretha said...

Hey Mr Hermit, it's been way too long, just dropping by to say HI and see how things are going with you, glad to see your blog is still active.

We are still living off grid, the castle is growing and life is good :)


Gorges Smythe said...

Sorta makes me miss church!

Chickenmom said...

Good ones, Mr. Hermit! Bet some of those donation envelopes were mighty big!

Anonymous said...

Good ones :-) Thanks for the laughs :-)

Have a great day!

Momlady said...

I'll be sharing these with friends. Thanks for the laughs.

JO said...

These are just to funny, was laughing out loud here.

Coffee on the patio sounds wonder as always. Bought my a rocker yesterday for the porch.

HermitJim said...

Hey Mamahen...
Certainly good for a grin, right?

Thanks for coming over this morning!

Hey Wretha...
Sure is good to see your smiling face again! Right you are about it being too long!

Many thanks for coming by today!

Hey Gorges...
Does bring up some fond memories, doesn't it?

Thanks for stopping by today!

Hey Phyllis...
You're probably right about that.

Thanks for coming over today!

Hey Christer...
I'm glad you enjoyed them, my friend!

Thanks for the visit!

Hey Momlady...
I think these were made for sharing.

Thanks for stopping in today!

Hey Jo...
I had the same reaction. Certainly good for a grin!

Thanks, sweetie, for dropping over today!

Dizzy-Dick said...

Now that is funny!!! and some are so true, too.

Judy said...

This was a nice change of pace. Thanks for the chuckles!

I'm in the mood for a piece of cake this morning. How about a Devil's Food Cake?

HermitJim said...

Hey Dizzy...
Sometimes you just have to see the humor in the strangest places!

Thanks for coming over today!

Hey Judy...
I wanted to try something a little different this morning.

Bring on the cake!

Thanks for the visit!