Friday, December 5, 2008

A New Version Of An Old Classic...

I like was sent to me by my friend in New Zealand and I thought I would share it with you.

**Why did the chicken cross the road? **

First, the politicians' answers; then other celebrities and celebrity Wannabees.

* BARACK OBAMA: * The chicken crossed the road because it was time for A *change *! The chicken wanted *change *!

* JOHN MC CAIN: * My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

* HILLARY CLINTON: * When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

* GEORGE W. BUSH: * We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road.Or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

* DICK CHENEY : * Where's my gun?

* COLIN POWELL: * Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

* BILL CLINTON: * I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

* AL** GORE: * I invented the chicken.

* JOHN KERRY: * Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

* AL SHARPTON: * Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

* DR. PHIL: * The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on *this* side of the road before it goes after the problem on the *other * side of the road... What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

*OPRAH: * Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

* NANCY GRACE: * That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

* MARTHA STEWART: * No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

* DR SEUSS: *Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Did he cross it with a hare?Did he cross it with a bear?Did he check if the road was hot?I kinda doubt it, I think not!Yes, the chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed, I've not been told.Just one more thing I have to say,it's been bugging me to this very day.If the Chicken is a she ,Why do we keep saying HE?

* ERNEST HEMINGWAY: * To die in the rain, alone.

* JERRY FALWELL: * Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

*GRANDPA: * In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

* BARBARA WALTERS: * Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

*ARISTOTLE: * It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

* JOHN LENNON: * Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

* BILL GATES: * I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra.....
.#@&&^(C%... .......reboot !

* ALBERT EINSTEIN: * Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

*COLONEL SANDERS: * Did I miss one?

I know it's a little silly, but sometimes a little silly is good and goes a long way! Now, how about a nice cup of coffee, my friend?


Cat Melton said...

I say let's have some chicken and!

Thanks for the smile and cuppa, friend!


Mayberry said...

That was hilarious!

HermitJim said...

Hey Cat...sure am glad you could drop by today! Chicken and dumplings sounds like a VERY good plan to me!

Dang, girl! Now ya gone and made me hungry!!

HermitJim said...

Hey Mayberry...Sounds kinda familiar, doesn't it?

Thanks for stopping by!

Lydia said...

That was great Jim! Thanks for the laugh.

Is it snowing on your blog (the one who does not like the cold and snow?) or is it my eyes seeing white specs today..?


HermitJim said...

Hey Lydia...thanks for stopping by. Yes, it is snowing on the blog...even though I don't care for the snow I thought I would add a little snow in honor of my northern friends that have to deal with the real thing!

See what a nice guy I am?

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

lookie here--politicians and issues all over this piece, and you still garnered comments! i think Dr. Seuss has a point though... man this really sums up some personalities, doesn't it?:)

HermitJim said...

HEY reason we can't try and show how something so trivial as an old bad joke can be made into a BIG DEAL by politicians and celebs...

The good thing about it is that all the readers can see the suggested person actually making the quote attributed to them.

Quite telling in it's own way, don't you think?

Noki said...

I think MY favorite was the one about Hemingway. Still, I like to think that the chicken knew that someone had to cross the road, and she was the only one with the guts and the technical know-how to do it. Also, it pays better than this side of the road.


HermitJim said...

Hey Ash...thanks for stopping by. Could be the pay is better, who knows. Bet they still pay in "chicken feed".