Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Things My Mother Taught Me...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15 My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
" Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Now what do you say we get some fresh coffee...?

11 comments:

Baby Sis said...

Ohhhhh!

Are you gonna get it when Mom sees this! Just don't tell her you got it from me, "cause THIS time I'm not guilty!

Love you anyway, Bubba!

HermitJim said...

Hey Sis...thanks for coming by. Sorry it took me so long to get started this morning, but You know what Steinbeck said abot "The best laid plans of mice and men...

Don't worry, I won't blame this one on you!! (maybe!)

Love ya!!

blondie said...

Good one Jim :)
And boy do I remember some of those being up close and personal, lol
Having my coffee with ya now,
blondie

HermitJim said...

Hey Blondie...glad to see my favorite blonde here this morning! Been missing ya at the old coffee drinking in the AM.

Yeah, the scary part is that we find ourselves repeating a lot of the same things our parents said to us.

Thanks for dropping by...

Manu said...

Hi Jim,

once again you made me laugh. :o)
I might be from a diffrent country with a diffrent language, but even our mothers use some of these lines...just sounds diffrent. LOL

Hope you having a great day.

sinip said...

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

Well, what can I say, this is one small world after all... :-)

HermitJim said...

Hey manu...I guess that Mothers the world round all have the same hand book! I think that the mothers of the world have more in common than we know!

Hey sinip...glad you could drop by! yeah, I think that if we only take the time to look, we are all more alike than we realise. We share a lot of the same dreams and goals and family values...now if our governments could only get along!

Thanks guys...I appreciate you!

meltcat said...

Yes, Mothers...what would we be without them...lol
I, too, can remember hearing a few of these when I was growing up, and yes, I've said a few of them to my kids, also!

Thanks for the smiles,

Cat

HermitJim said...

Hey Cat...good to see ya. Thanks for stopping by. 'll bet that all of us have at one time or another used these expressions, or ones very close to them many times. Even like manu and sinip said...other mothers in other countries say the same things...they just sound different.

Ah, it's a wonderful world, huh?

Keep smiling, my friend !

danish said...

Hey Jim
Great Post.
1) Your sister's comment just broke me up :)
2) Was # 10 about stamina or endurance. Perhaps both?
3) George Carlin's take on Mom insisting that we wear clean underwear was....if we are in an accident that is bad enough to send us to hospital-- our underwear ain't going to be clean when we get there anyway...SO?
My Mom and I battled all through my teen years. Strangely though, She became so much smarter soon after I turned 21 and we had many great years after that.

danish

HermitJim said...

Hey Danish...thanks for dropping by. Yeah...it's amazing how smart our parents get as we get older, huh?

It's a wonder they put up with us as long as they did...