Want to know a little secret? I finally figured out that I let the little things in life, things I have absolutely no control over, piss me off! Over the course of the past few months I have done all in my power to remain level headed and somewhat positive about nearly everything.
The truth is that a normal person, including me, cannot be completely positive all the time...unless he/she is a saint. And folks, Saints We Ain't !! It would be nice if we could all manage to withhold our own true feelings in order to make someone else feel better about their day, I know. But the fact is, we all have bad days! Once in a while, we all need to rant a little. On a rare occasion, we feel the need to lash out at someone or something, real or imagined! That's human nature. Always has been, always will be.
That's one of the beauties of being a writer, even if it's only a writer of a blog like this. When things build up, we have the choice of taking it out on the keyboard. We can get it out of our system by merely writing about it and not sitting there just thinking about it, letting it fester and expand in our heads until we finally go ballistic like a wronged postal worker!
I spent the better part of my life trying to always be what someone else thought I should be, doing what someone else said I should do, acting like others told me I should act and in short, being everything but myself. I have worried too much about what others thought and said about me. I spent way too many years in jobs I didn't like, living in places I didn't want to live in, dressing in a manner different than what I really wanted.
After years of getting the right haircut, drinking the right wine or beer, buying the right car, eating the right foods, reading the right books, watching the right television shows, casting the right vote, making the right plans for the future, and following the right rules I finally said ENOUGH!!
See, this is the reason that you have to have really good friends, at least one or two! When you get to the point to where you say STOP THIS INSANITY...you need someone that understands or at the very least tries to understand what you are saying. Luckily, I do have a couple of friends just like that! And let me say for the record "God Bless 'Em" for just being there for the times when I need them to be.
So from now on, I am going to do and say exactly what I want, not what someone else says is best. I'm reminded of a verse in a song from long ago that said it best. "They can't even run their own life, I'll be damned if they'll run mine!"
I refuse to write only what is considered "politically correct". I refuse to only say what the present big-shots allow me to say. As of today, I refuse to sell my soul to any Devil at any price! All choices from now on, for good or for bad, will be mine and mine alone. That's the way it should have been from the start, but due to a lack of backbone never was. At least there will hopefully come a time when I can sit on my porch in my rocker and say "well, it's been a long and bumpy road, but Man...it was worth it!"
Now, I don't know about you, but I feel the need for some fresh coffee. Want to join me?